They fight; Paris falls.

I'm just going to dive into this
with no real intention to make any sense.

I really don't understand my lack of motivation this quarter.
After the heart-felt discussion I had with my mother,
I really don't like the fact that what I've chosen to do with my life
leaves very little margin for my family.
Of course, there are always the holidays,
but I'm not even guaranteed tomorrow.

Taking on a job,
as well as working as a SCAD-Radio DJ,
as well as following a steady work-out schedule can be tiring.
I feel like I'm being totally selfish.
Everything I am doing is for my own benefit.
I really wish I could stop thinking about losing weight.

I find myself sitting here, in my dorm, with no roommate,
watching T.V.
And now that I don't have the time, I'm reading novels, pleasure reading, of course.
There are so many things that I didn't take advantage of while in high school.
I would never even dream of going back,
but if I were to fall into a time machine and travel back precisely 4 years,
I would do so many things differently,
starting with speaking kind words to those who made fun of me.
After all, I was kind of letting them win by keeping silent.
Sure, they wanted me to protest and get angry aloud,
but I never did.
They still won.
They'll regret that one day.
When I'm making clothes that are inspired by some of their harsh words,
but created in a positive way, to evoke smiles from passersby,
they'll regret it.

I still wish I didn't care so much about him.
I watched a movie with my parents a few days ago entitled Prime.
It starred Uma Thurman and some young actor I was not familiar with.
The bottom line was this: "Sometimes you love, and you learn, and you... move on. "
I haven't decided if I like that or not.
I feel much like the lead characters in that film,
aside from the 14 year age difference.
I'm now on the third book in the Twilight saga, Eclipse.
Yeah, yeah, you can argue with me, or yourself, all day about how you think the book was "poorly written."
I, for one, am reading for sheer enjoyment.
But now I'm wondering,
am I really getting enjoyment out of it?
These books are chopped full of unrealistic ideals for a boyfriend/husband.
BUT WAIT,
are they really unrealistic?
Or is it just that the moral decay of society has lead to a lowering of standards
regarding how a man should treat a woman?
I would argue the latter,
and I am assuming that is my mind's justification for continuing to read.

I don't really feel like rambling anymore.


"Only you could be more important than what I wanted...what I needed.
What I want and need is to be with you."